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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360661">sweet surrender</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappymitchell/pseuds/scrappymitchell'>scrappymitchell</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The L Word (TV 2004), The L Word: Generation Q (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Fix-It, Getting Back Together, I'm Bad At Tagging, Might be a one shot might not, Post-Season/Series 03A AU, Post-Wedding, Shane begs for forgiveness, Sharmen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29360661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappymitchell/pseuds/scrappymitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>There were two things that Shane was certain about. One, she couldn't marry Carmen and two, she didn't want to lose Carmen. After calling off the wedding she's sure would ruin their relationship, Shane does her absolute best to earn Carmen's forgiveness so they can go back to the way things were. </p><p>Fix-it AU from season three finale because I refuse to live in a society where these two aren't together.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Shane McCutcheon/Carmen de la Pica Morales</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Shane pressed her hands roughly together, pacing up and down her hotel room. The image of her father leaving the bar with a woman who wasn’t his wife played in her head over and over again. His words played over in her head. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s just who I am, you know what I’m talking about</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She scoffed aloud when hearing the words play in her mind. The fuck did that even mean? Shane wasn’t like that, she would never do that to Carmen, she already fucked up in that way once she’d never do it again. She and her dad were not the same, she learned from her mistakes whilst he revelled in them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is why Shane proposed, she wanted to fix everything. She wanted her and Carmen to start off on a clean slate and marriage would do that...wouldn’t it? Shane gripped onto the back of her neck, screwing her eyes shut as her thoughts ran wild. What if she </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>fuck all this up? What if she married Carmen and hurt her in more ways imaginable, Shane never even considered getting married until she met Carmen and even then she never really planned it...but Dana’s death hit her so hard and told her that life is too short. But, now, Shane couldn’t help but wonder if she was being selfish, if life was too short to waste Carmen’s time for what will be a dead end relationship all because Shane can’t stop herself from following in the same footsteps as her dad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t believe it, deep down, but she was scared enough that everything soon came into being a clear doubt in her mind. She was supposed to be getting married in twenty minutes, but now she knew that she couldn’t. She didn’t want to lose Carmen, but by all accounts, she knew that she couldn’t marry her either. Suddenly, it all felt like a lose lose. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The knock on the hotel door snapped her out of her pacing. “Shane,” Alice called from the other side, knocking again. “Hey!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane let out a breath and rushed herself over to the door, opening it to see Alice all ready for the ceremony. Alice looked at her up and down to see she wasn’t even in her suit properly. “Well, I know we’re not being fully traditional but the full suit would be great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane pressed her lips together, for one of the first real times in her life she had tried her best not to </span>
  <em>
    <span>burst</span>
  </em>
  <span> into tears, shaking her head which resulted in Alice asking what was wrong, after a few more seconds of silence, Shane finally parted her tight pressed lips and simply put. “I can’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do it. Marry Carmen, I can’t fucking do it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice went on to presume that given she was meant to be getting married in now </span>
  <em>
    <span>less </span>
  </em>
  <span>than twenty minutes, that this was last minute jitters. Alice rolled her eyes as she stepped further into the room. “Shane you’re just getting cold feet. Once you get down there-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m serious, Alice,” Shane put more firmly, turning to face her. “I can’t marry her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It fell silent for a few seconds, because by all accounts Alice was just confused as to where all this came from, last night at her bachelorette party all Shane was saying was how she never believed she’d be marrying someone, let alone someone like Carmen, but now that she was, she had never felt so happy. Her words. Alice’s brows pinched together as her head slightly shook. “Shane, what’re you talking about? Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m just gonna fucking ruin her life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been together for a year, you’ve done fine so far.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shook her head once more, now the pacing resuming. “No. We’ve been back and forth for a year, only six months we’ve been able to make a real thing of it and I’ve already fucked up once-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And so had she.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She did that out of fucking revenge, I can’t even blame her for that, she did it off the back of </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>betrayal!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice tried her best to stay on track with Shane’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>clear </span>
  </em>
  <span>new crisis. “But, you learned from it. Everyone fucks up. You love her, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. Which is why I can’t do this to her.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll hurt her more by </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>marrying her cause that’s what she wants.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not in the long run,” it was clear how adamant Shane suddenly was in this new kind of revelation. She stopped pacing once again. “I’m just gonna end up like my dad, I can see it. A constant cheater who can’t help themself, I can’t do that to her, I know if I marry her I’m gonna feel trapped and retaliate and-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Alice held her hands up. “Fine. Just take a breath, okay. You can’t marry her. I’m not gonna drag you down there and force you...but what about Carmen? She’s getting ready right now...do you still want to be with her?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane sighed and sat herself down on the foot of the bed, bowing her head down when looking at her shoes as she nodded heavily. “Yes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But you don’t think you can marry her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another sigh slipped from Shane. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what are you gonna do? You can’t just fucking leave.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gripping onto the back of her neck, Shane lifted her head and just took a moment to think. It all felt like a double edged sword, because what if Carmen never forgives her for calling off the wedding? What if she loses her regardless? But then again, what if she’ll actually understand once getting past feeling hurt? What if there was still time to salvage everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane cleared her throat and dropped her arm back down. “Could you...ask her to come see me?” she looked back up to Alice properly. “Hold off everything downstairs, just distract them or something while I talk to her.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice tightened a kind smile, putting her hand down on Shane’s shoulder and giving it a somewhat reassuring squeeze. “Okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be as fast as I can.” Alice assured as she made her way back out of the room, leaving Shane to exhale yet another heavy breath as she lay back down on the bed, covering her eyes with the bottom of her palms, she didn’t know how long she was lay like that for but before she really even knew it, the door knocked again and soon her heart began to pound out of it’s chest like never before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because she knew that it was now Carmen on the other side, she knew it even </span>
  <em>
    <span>before </span>
  </em>
  <span>she heard her speak. “Shane?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her voice sounded shaken and worried, so Alice must’ve given her an idea as to why Shane asked to see her else she wouldn’t have come given she was trying to be traditional. Shane pulled herself up from the bed and rubbed her palms together as she took her another breath, she didn’t want to keep her hanging on the other side of the door. Shane made her way over and pulled the door back to her already the glaze in Carmen’s worried eyes. Shane’s own composure almost collapsed when seeing her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen tilted her head at her, shaking her head softly. “Please don’t do this to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need you to hear me out, please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen closed her eyes as she sighed out in a breath. “Oh my God, you’re doing this to me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No-not the way you think.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You fucking asshole!” Carmen seethed, stepping into the room as she shoved Shane back with tears rolling back down her cheeks, going to shove her again before Shane grabbed her arms to prevent her and also hold her close. “Carmen, wait!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, please just,” finally Shane got Carmen to stop moving, sighing as she held Carmen’s wrists close. “I don’t want to lose you. But we can’t get married.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That makes </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> sense.” Carmen pulled her arms back. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> fucking asked </span>
  <em>
    <span>me </span>
  </em>
  <span>to marry you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know! I know but it would be a mistake. Getting married will fuck everything up and I’m sorry it’s taken me until now to realise it, but it will. Getting married will ruin everything we already have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And this won’t?” Carmen cried. “Shane, my family have come here, finally accepting me, accepting </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Do you know how important that is to me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I love your family. I love </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Which is why I can’t put you through this. Carmen, I’m fucking terrified that if we get married, I’ll break your heart even more than I know I’m doing now,” Shane took a small quivering breath. “I know I could lose you by doing this...but I know I will at some point if we do this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen covered her eyes with the palm of her hand as she released a heavy breath to try and just process, she pulled away when she felt Shane’s hand try to touch her. Shane then knew that right now Carmen needed her physical space and so she put her hands behind her back and just waited for a few more moments. Carmen sucked in another breath and dropped her hand to her side, not looking directly at Shane for a few more seconds. “Why?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane stared at her. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would marriage be the thing that would ruin us?” Carmen asked in a low voice but it was anything but calm, it was very much angered and hurt, she took her stern eyes back to Shane. “You seem to know, so fucking tell me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane took a breath, this was a chance to try and get through to Carmen without the risk of losing her completely. “I don’t want to be like my dad. I found him at the hotel bar downstairs with another woman, and he looked at me as if I got it, as if I’ll end up being the same…” she swallowed thickly and shook her head. “I love you too fucking much to do that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So you think you’ll cheat on me again?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, but if we get married...look, I know it makes no sense but all I know is this feeling deep down that </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>aren’t the problem, but going through with this is.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen’s eyes filled once more. “Then why did you propose? Because of grief?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! Yes! I-“ Shane groaned as she covered her face for a second. “When Dana died it made me realise how short life is, okay you know that, we talked about it and I’ve known for a long time that I want to spend my life with you and with everything that happened I guess I just thought it was a next step-but we were set on never doing this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Carmen whimpered. “But I’d always </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to marry you...and you’ve built all this-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so sorry, I mean it, I want to be with you but this will fucking ruin us. I’ll work every fucking day for your forgiveness for doing this right now but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>they would be no coming back for us if we did this.” Shane swallowed thickly and looked down to Carmen’s hand, she tried again and reached for it, surprising herself when Carmen just let her in a loose hold, Shane rubbed her lips together and mumbled in a weaker voice. “Do you remember when you said to me that I felt like a relationship would kill me? I said it would, and you took a chance on me anyway?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked up into Carmen’s eyes, Carmen remained silent which really just spoke its own volume that she was waiting for Shane to make her point. “Well I feel like getting married will kill </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. But I don’t want you to give up on me, I’m begging you. You’re the only person I’ve ever felt like I can’t live without.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen shook another breath with her only words coming out in a whisper. “I can’t believe this is happening.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, Carmen,” Shane grumbled. “Can we just go back to before?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Back to...” Carmen broke out into a laugh, one that was filled with bitterness, humiliation and pain. Shane kept her eyes down for a moment, to her thumb that stroked over Carmen’s until finally Carmen pulled it back. “Fuck you, Shane,” she shoved her once more which caused Shane to look back up to her as Carmen pointed in her face. “Fuck you!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane reached for her once more, to try and hold onto her waist but it was already a losing battle as Carmen was drawing back to the door. “Carmen-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But her grasp slipped from her once again as Carmen bolted back out the room, slamming the door hard as she took her exit. In closed fists, Shane pressed her hands against the door as well as her forehead, screwing her eyes shut with every hope not to collapse down to the floor. What had she done? She had no one to blame but herself, like Carmen said, Shane was the one who proposed. Shane was the one who said that she wanted this to turn into a marriage. And now it was Shane who was blowing this all up, risking everything. It was all Shane. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She turned and pressed her back against the door before firmly putting her head to it as her eyes remained shit, pressing her palms together and to her forehead. “Fuck...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mind cast back to Carmen standing in front of her just a few seconds ago, now only just being able to process that she was wearing her wedding dress, and just how beautiful she looked in it. And now she was going back to her room to take it off. Shane dropped her hands back down to her sides, kicking the door with the back of her heel as she walked back into the room and fell down onto the bed, just wishing it would swallow her whole. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Alice handled everything downstairs, with none of their friends being able to believe what had actually happened and naturally they all just went right to the bar. Shane got out of her suit and after pacing around the room some more wondering what the hell she had done and what the hell she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>going</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do, she bolted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane ran out the door and headed for the elevator, not being able to get there quick enough, barely even being able to feel her legs as she went that fast. Her fingers pressed irritably against the elevator buttons, thinking the more she hit it, the fast the elevator would arrive. The only reason she didn’t go running after Carmen as </span>
  <em>
    <span>soon</span>
  </em>
  <span> as she left the room was because Shane told herself that space was something they might both need, but now, she told herself that it would just make it seem like she didn’t care. She promised Carmen she would work for her forgiveness and she needed to put that in full effect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane truly believed that if she lost Carmen, she’d never settle down with anyone ever again, she’d never imagine it with anyone else because she didn’t want to. All the </span>
  <em>
    <span>playing </span>
  </em>
  <span>years that Shane had been doing these past few years she didn’t want to go back to now, she had learnt her lesson, she just wanted Carmen, despite not being able to go through with this wedding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on.” Shane grumbled under her breath, till finally the doors opened and Shane jumped in, pressing the number of the floor Carmen was on even harder. Thankfully, the elevators moved quickly and she was on her floor. She hadn’t even thought about what it was that she wanted to say, she just knew she needed to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She raced down the hall, edging herself closer and closer to Carmen’s room, when getting close enough she saw the door already slightly parted and so she made no intention of knocking, she practically just burst through. “Carmen-” she came to a stop when she saw that the room was completely empty, even the bed sheets had been slightly stripped. “What the…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane spun around to see the housekeeper return back to the room, Shane looked around once more and nodded. “Yeah I’m...looking for the woman who-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stayed here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane just nodded, the housekeeper shook her head. “She left, like five minutes ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“To check out?” Shane asked with dread in the back of her throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The housekeeper shrugged. “I’m guessing.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” Shane whispered under her breath, going to run past the woman to which she briefly stopped by. “Thank you,” and then just like that she ran back to the elevator, now to head down to the lobby, just hoping and somewhat praying that she would catch her in time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Outside the hotel, Helena followed Carmen outside as she and her family loaded up their cars. “Carmen, please don’t leave, you can work it out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’re sure as hell not getting married, Helena, so what’s the point?” Carmen scoffed, turning back to her and shaking her head. “I’m sorry for all the effort you went to for this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to apologise in the slightest.” Helena sighed. “But like Alice said, I know what Shane has done is awful but she still wants to be with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tina then came out with Alice and Lara, with Tina’s boyfriend trailing behind. Tina let out a breath of her own. “Carmen, stay and just let the night play out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Look guys,” Carmen pressed her hands together, with tears back in her eyes. “I love you all, and I'm grateful for what you’re trying to do but really I just-I can’t stay. I need to go home.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice then couldn’t help but ask. “Which home?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My moms. I need my family right now-and you guys know you’re family but…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Helena reached her arm forward and rested her hand down on Carmen’s arm with a comforting squeeze. “We understand.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carmen,” her sister called, waiting until Carmen turned to her. “We're ready.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen turned back around to her friends. “I’ll call you guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all just nodded at her, with the same sympathetic smiles on all of their faces, Carmen just returned a tight lipps one, as she went to turn, she heard her name being called...by Shane. Everyone’s heads turned when seeing Shane run towards the front doors. “Wait, just wait!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen felt her mother’s hand rest on her back. “Come on, mi amor. Get in the car.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t, don’t,” Shane finally caught her, her hands falling onto Carmen’s arms. “Just stay. Let’s just talk.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her mother snapped once again. “You’ve said enough.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced over to Mercedes. “I’m sorry, I-” she moves her head to get back into Carmen’s vision. “I just...just, baby, come somewhere with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, where? Our honeymoon?” Carmen scoffed, totally making Shane speechless for a few seconds as Carmen rolled her eyes and weakly raised her hand to dismiss this conversation and made her way over to the car. Shane snapped out of it and stepped towards her again just as Carmen opened the car door. “I know I’m fucked up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen kept her voice quiet to keep the conversation just between them as both her family and their friends were watching. “Do you take any of it back?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane rubbed her lips together and sighed. “If I could go back-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t mean proposing. Do you take back what you did today?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A silence grew between them, Shane wanted to say yes, she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to so badly. Shane pinched the bridge of her nose before bowing her head when mumbling in the sheepish way she had ever been. “I can’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane dragged her lips back up to Carmen, who was doing everything in her power to keep her composure. Carmen held her hand up to Shane and put stiffly. “Then what the fuck do we have to talk about right now?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane closed her eyes and let out a small, almost seated breath, as she did so Carmen just opened the door and got in the car. Shane pressed her hands against the top of the car door as she leaned down. “Carmen, I don’t want to lose you. I really fucking don’t, just talk-</span>
  <em>
    <span>Carmen</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she hit her hand against the car door as the engine started, raising her brows to plead further through the glass. “Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the car started to pull away, still, Shane pleaded further, hitting the car once more before she had to drop them from the car as it moved further away. “Carmen!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She stepped out onto the road, no longer being able to do anything else other than watch the car drive off, with the person she loved more than anything going off with it. Slowly, Shane sunk down to the floor in a crouch, pressing her palm down against the concrete road to keep herself from falling completely, she bowed her head into her other hand. She didn’t know who came over and put her arm around her, all she did know is that she didn’t feel that much comfort.   </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The only reason that Shane didn’t drive after her was because everyone around her convinced her not to, they told her that it might be a good thing for Shane to simply let everything settle for the night, Carmen was asking for space and asking to just go home, Shane needed to respect it and let her have this one thing since Shane had just called off their wedding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so, she stayed at the hotel, well and truly drowned her sorrows in the hotel bar. She didn’t even know all the drama that surrounded her with Bette and Tina that night. She just drank so much that eventually she just stumbled back to her room with the help of Alice and after a failed attempt in trying to call Carmen, she eventually passed out on her bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Embarrassingly, she spent all night calling out for Carmen, even waking herself up in the morning at her own mumbles. She was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> glad that she was on her own. Shane groaned as she rolled on her back, facing up at the ceiling when spreading her arms out back against the mattress. Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared up for a few long seconds. Shane sat up once again, pinching the bridge of her nose with her eyes still closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The drive back to LA was long, it would take her hours on end. And she wasn’t going to wait. Shane dropped her hand down and reached for her phone, thinking about calling ahead but that would now be hard to do given the fact that her phone was dead. She threw it down on the mattress from pure annoyance, Shane got up from the bed and grabbed the bag that she came here with, wasting no time when starting to stuff all the clothes she brought into it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Carmen leaving with her family, that left their car that they came up in just to Shane. Maybe she drank too much to actually drive, but she really did not care right now. She just needed to get back to LA.  She threw her bag over her shoulder and made her way out, she didn’t even bother telling the girls that she was leaving, she was pretty sure that they would figure that out soon enough. Shane went to the lobby, checked herself out and picked her keys to the jeep. Shane threw the bag in the back of the car and got in the front of the car, she knew Carmen would be at her parents instead of Shane or her place, but there was also added confirmation from last night when she drunkenly asked Helena, Alice and Tina where she went and they all told her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So with Carmen’s family house in her mind, she started the car and set off. Not caring how long it would take her, not caring that she could get in a car crash along away. Not giving a </span>
  <em>
    <span>shit </span>
  </em>
  <span>if she broke any kind of speeding laws. She stopped off a few times, stopping off for gas, buying cigarettes and alcohol, having </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the car as she drove down the highway, at the best acceptable speed that she could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was early afternoon by the time she actually reached LA, then travelled another thirty minutes when getting into the city and finally pulled up outside the house of Carmen’s family. Shane saw two of Carmen’s cousins sitting on the porch. “Shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t exactly expecting it to be smooth sailing in showing up here, but she was at least hoping that she would be given a better chance by actually making it to the front door, now that seemed pretty unlikely. But still, she got out of the car anyway, Carmen’s cousin rose from their seats and made their way down the steps as Shane approached and pushed open the gate.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can I help you?” one of them asked with venom in their tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is Carmen here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She doesn’t wanna see you, Shane. She’s done with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane couldn’t just walk away, she tried to walk up the driveway despite having this tall muscular man standing in front of her to stop her. Shane wouldn't accept that Carmen was done with her until it came out of her own mouth. “I know she probably hates me but I would love to talk to her for just a second.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tried to take one more step and the next thing she knew, she was dropped down onto the floor. “She doesn’t want you here, man! God, look at you,” it was clearly obvious that Shane looked like shit. “You’re a mess and you’re pathetic. I’m thanking God my cousin didn’t marry you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once again, Carmen’s cousin reached down and grabbed Shane’s arm, dragging her up from the floor and pushing her back towards the gate to get her out. Carmen then came out on the porch after hearing the noise from the living room, and she’d be lying if she said the sight of Shane didn’t make her heart race, already she had missed her so much, lying in bed with her, being held and kissed by her. And despite being so angry and hurt by her right now, it still pained Carmen seeing Shane being thrown out the way her cousin was trying to do right now, the protective nature sunk in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop, Seb!” Carmen made her way down the steps, with both her cousins and Shane looking to her. Sebastian kept his hand on Shane’s arm. “But, Carmen-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get off her arm,” Carmen softly demanded, then waiting till he did so as she glanced at the two men. “Can you guys go inside now, I want to talk to Shane.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They didn’t argue with her, they simply did as she asked and walked into the house, reassuring her that they were just inside if she needed them. But she knew she wouldn’t, it wasn’t as if she couldn’t handle Shane. The pair remained quiet up until they were left fully alone, when she heard the front door close, Carmen raised her brows to her. “You drove all the way here?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been drinking,” Carmen scoffed. “How stupid are you? Not enough that you did what you did last night but imagine what I’d feel if you got into an accident.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane pressed her palms together, holding it to her chest as she kept a close distance. “I know, but please, I need you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I will do fucking anything. I’ll walk on fucking glass, I’ll set all my things on fire to just show you how sorry I am and that I’d do anything for you to stay with me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen ran her fingers through her hair and looked away for a moment, trying her absolute hardest once again not to cry, her voice coming out in a quiver. “You’ve broke me. I’m fucking humiliated, I’m in </span>
  <em>
    <span>pain</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane closed her eyes. “I know and I hate myself because you’re the one person in the world that I can’t stand hurting.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were fine before all of this. We got past all the hard shit.” Carmen cried once again, covering her mouth with her palm. Shane looked back to her and frowning with pain at the hurt that was written all over Carmen’s face. “We can be fine again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know if we can.” Carmen shook her head, taking her eyes back to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We can, it’s like you </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>said we got past all the hard shit and we can with this,” with hesitation at first, Shane reached up and put her hands to Carmen’s face, tracing her thumbs against her cheekbones, maintaining eye contact as best that she could in hopes it will get Carmen to process her words more. “I backed out of the wedding but I never wanted to back out of this with you, this is all I’ve got and it’s all I want, I swear to God. I’m done with fucking around, I’m done with all of that shit, I meant it when we talked about all that before and I still mean it…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just think marriage will ruin us?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know it would. I should’ve known my limits before I asked you, like you said we were fine before and I fucked it all up...I’m committed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> I just-” Shane knew that she was rambling, she had never rambled to a woman like this before, she had never begged and pleaded for someone like this, she had never been so terrified in potentially losing someone before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not knowing what else she could even really say, Shane just did what she felt she only could do, she pulled Carmen to her in a hard, passion filled kiss. Of course Carmen reciprocated, she was still in love with Shane, she still loved kissing her. Her hands fell onto her waist in a firm grip and pulled their bodies closer. Carmen whimpered a small cry as the kiss briefly deepened, until finally, after she registered the situation they were currently in, Carmen pulled away and softly pushed Shane back. “No, Shane. You can’t do that, you can’t kiss me like it will fix everything because it won’t.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane pressed her back against the gate, withdrawing a defeated breath and looked down to the ground for a few seconds more before then hearing Carmen add. “You need to go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to fix this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Carmen soothed her tone, biting her bottom lip hard. “But you do need to just go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane ran her fingers up into her hair, gripping onto it as tight as possible as if trying to make something hurt more than what her heart was hurting right now. But she knew she had to go, if she refused and stood some sort of ground she’d just ruin the chances of them working things out even more. She shouldn’t have come here in the first place, in hindsight, she barely had even left Carmen for twenty four hours; it wasn’t exactly giving her time to think. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane pushed herself up from the gate, and stayed quiet as she opened it up and walked out the garden, she spun back round and rested her arms on the top of the fence. “Fine. I won’t call, I won’t come here again, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I will give you the real space you need...and if you want to talk you know where you can find me,” she took another breath. “But, Carmen, I really mean it when I tell you that you’re still fucking it for me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen rubbed her lips together, with her arms now folded as she slowly nodded her head with her eyes welling up more and more. “I really want to believe that, right now I can’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was something that Shane had to deal with, it something that she needed to accept and let be, cause no one could blame Carmen for feeling that, no one in the world. Shane slid herself back from the gate and nodded with complete acceptance. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane turned on her heel and walked over to the car, when getting in she glanced back over to see Carmen still standing there, looking at her, from here Shane could see how tears were rolling down Carmen’s cheeks and it took everything in Shane </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>to run to her. Carmen remained in the yard for the entire time, watching Shane drive away, with it taking everything in </span>
  <em>
    <span>her </span>
  </em>
  <span>not to call Shane to stop.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane meant by what she said and waited. It went days with silence and Shane still waited. Sure, she went out with the girls, they all practically dragged her out to try and cheer her up, Shane got wasted, got high, and went home. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>. There were girls who threw themselves at her every single time they did go out, but for one of the first times in her life as a somewhat </span>
  <em>
    <span>single </span>
  </em>
  <span>person, she wasn’t interested. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because Shane still didn’t think she was single, and though she was ashamed that that hadn’t stopped her before in past relationships, it was stopping her now. She only wanted Carmen. She wasn’t even turned on at the thought of having countless more women. Something inside her had completely shifted. It actually got to the point where her friends were downright concerned about her, the longer the silence with Carmen went the more drunk and high Shane got. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of them couldn’t help but wonder what exactly Shane was going to do if Carmen didn’t come back, if she well and truly ended it. No one would blame her, but it didn’t mean their hearts couldn’t break for Shane.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t as if it was easy on Carmen’s end, she was going through turmoil just as much. It took everything in her not to show up at Wax, The Planet, or the house, and it wasn’t as if she had made her mind up that they were done, but she needed to not give into temptation of blowing off the time of giving herself space, for Shane, she didn’t know how to control herself and would sink to her every time, but this time round she made herself take the time to think things over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Because despite being still madly and insanely in love with Shane, she was still heartbroken by what happened, she had still been angry and had doubts in trusting her further, doubting if she could trust Shane again and not over faithfulness in their relationship but that she wouldn’t U-turn like this again. She didn’t want a life with someone that was built on instability, life was uncertain enough as it is. And Shane could be as uncertain as they come. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she loved her. She just had to take the few days she took to know if she’d be able to forgive and trust her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It came up to a week, a week of agony. Shane once again peeled herself up from the bed after yet another night of wild partying to try and blur Carmen out for just a little while, but it didn’t work, it never worked. The more wasted she got the more desire she actually had to call or show up at her house, the more she actually tricked herself into thinking she saw her in the crowds, it didn’t help at all. She just saw Carmen more, maybe that was part as to why she did it. Shane got up from the bed and looked over to the wardrobe, one that had Carmen’s clothes spilling out of it. They had been talking about getting their own place so they didn’t have to share this tiny closet, Shane should've proposed that idea instead of jumping into marriage. Part of her just wished that if Carmen really was done, that she’d at least come and get her things to try and ease some kind of pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane got herself up from the bed and </span>
  <em>
    <span>stumbled </span>
  </em>
  <span>her way out of her room, firstly finding her way into the bathroom, pressing her hands against the sink as the tap ran and her head bowed heavily, she stayed still for a few seconds before cupping the water in her palms, she brought the water to her face in an attempt to freshen her skin and mind, it never actually worked but at least she was trying. She cleared her throat when running her hands through her hair as she gave herself a look in the mirror, she had been looking the same for the past week, like shit, essentially. But right now she couldn’t give a shit what they looked like. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After brushing her teeth and using the toilet, she made her way down the hall to make herself a coffee and have a smoke before she had to drag herself into work. Shane dragged her feet down the hall, approaching the kitchen when she then noticed, in the corner of her eye...Carmen was sitting on the couch. It brought her to a stunned halt. “Carmen.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen just looked at her, remaining silent whilst Shane tried to gather on what to say, it had only been a week but it felt like a lot longer. “I thought-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’d never see me again?” Carmen softly huffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe.” Shane admitted, scratching the back of her neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’d need to grab my things anyway if I ended it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was a small silence, Shane tried to gather what Carmen was saying without jumping to any conclusions in getting her hopes off. “That’s not what you’re here for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m here to talk, Shane.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Talking was good, because talking meant there was a chance. Shane just nodded, complying completely. She pointed to the coffee machine as the only gesture she felt like she could offer right now. “You want some coffee?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane,” Carmen sighed, tilting her head as she softly shook. “Just...just come here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane dropped her arm back down to her side, she made her way over to the couch, sitting down on the other end of the couch that Carmen was sitting on. Another silence grew, Shane rubbed her lips together before she gently questioned. “Do you want me to-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’ve started a few times now,” Carmen said, not in a harsh tone or resentful in any way, she said it almost </span>
  <em>
    <span>sweetly</span>
  </em>
  <span> in stating a fact. Because it was true, Shane had said her piece whilst Carmen didn’t have the thoughts at the start of all this to compile together to project. Carmen released a breath, briefly looking away. “You remember when I told you about my dad?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked back to Shane, who nodded. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That he is a from a whole other culture that I’ll never even know about, I just know my mom’s...</span>
  <em>
    <span>because</span>
  </em>
  <span>,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane knew where she was going with this, and Carmen knew that she knew yet still expected for her to actually finish the sentence and answer. “Because he left.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen hummed with the bob of her head. “Because he left. And at one point I’m pretty sure he’d have told my mom that he’d always stay.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think I’ll leave you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think-I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>worried</span>
  </em>
  <span> that if you can shut off the wedding as quick as you did, how do I know you’re not gonna shut this off completely when things get too scary or too rough?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But-” Shane sat slightly forward in her seat. “I told you, I never wanted us to end. I never wanted to lose you or throw this way.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But marriage scared you all of a sudden. Does the thought of you being with </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> me for the rest of your life not scare the fuck out of you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it not scare you?” Shane softly fired back. “Carmen, everyone who thinks about that shit too much gets freaked out. People who do actually get married, gets freaked out like that-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But those people tend to stick,” Carmen raised her brows, shrugging a shoulder. “I just don’t know if you’re one of those people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m…” Shane shook her head as she looked down to her hands, “someone who needs space, you know that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen pointed her hand towards herself, tension rising in the back of her tone as she stared at her with a more angered curious expression on her face. “Did I not give you space?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, you did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Being married to me would make you feel like you were in a cage?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean it like that.” Shane sighed.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m someone who needs space too, alright? That’s something we understood about </span>
  <em>
    <span>each other</span>
  </em>
  <span>, we weren’t insecure together, we didn’t need to stick to the hip, sometimes we just </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>to...you like your freedom-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah but that doesn’t mean I want freedom </span>
  <em>
    <span>from </span>
  </em>
  <span>you. You’re the only person who’s ever gotten me, you understand me and don’t judge me, we balance each other.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is that all this is?” Carmen lifted her head from her hand as she held it out. “You want to keep this because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>balance</span>
  </em>
  <span> and I’m the only girl you’ve met who isn’t fucking possesive or goes crazy when you do something without them?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not just that and you know it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what?” Carmen’s voice got a little sharper. To which Shane couldn’t help it when her voice raised a little more to fight back. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been in love with! It’s true I can’t picture a life with one person if that person isn’t you, that’s the Goddamn truth, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that’s </span>
  </em>
  <span>me bearing my fucking soul.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen ran her tongue along her lip as she put her head back in her hand, looking away. “I do believe you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane stared at her for a few seconds, feeling her heart starting to beat so much. “You do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but it still scares the shit out of me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know you already gave me a second chance after the whole thing with Cherrie.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We buried that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What I’m saying is I know you already gave me a second chance...we both gave each other second chances and we tried to start fresh, I swear to God I wouldn’t ask you for another chance if I wasn’t sure I could commit, and you’re the only one I’d have that with. I just think marriage will ruin what we already have. I should’ve known sooner I know, but I still commit to you only.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen couldn’t help but smirk as she said in a suggested teasing voice. “You’d cheat on other people? If you went onto date?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Probably.” Shane answered bluntly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But what? I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>special</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re the only person I could ever be fully committed to, and I know for a fact that no one will ever come close so if that’s what you call special then, yeah.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen felt so much conflict in her body, because Shane was saying all the right things and she genuinely didn’t think that she was saying these things </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>to get her back, she really felt like Shane truly meant them. “I want you,” she admitted in a whisper, with her eyes still closed. “So bad, I don’t want this to end...but I’m still so fucking angry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can live with anger,” Shane soothed, having Carmen glare at her almost playfully with a smirk, slowly melting her icey front. Shane pressed her lips together before she got up from the couch and took herself in front of Carmen, settling down on her knees in front of her, between her legs as Carmen turned to face her fully. Shane kept complete eye contact when she spoke in a way where each word came across as a vow. “I can live with anger because we can work through that, I know we can...baby-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t.” Carmen whispered, the sheer nickname melting her insides. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you hate me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen kept her eyes on Shane. “A little.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Do you hate me right now more than you love me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s a stupid fucking question,” Carmen huffed with a weak roll of her eyes, pressing her lips together and then giving a sole answer. “No.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> let us work it out...let’s go back to before, I’ll try and make it up to your family but most importantly to you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know,” Carmen sat up a little more, looking down to her hands for a moment. “If anyone else had pulled the shit you pulled, I’d be glad to never fucking see them again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane bowed her head, nodding heavily, feeling that she had lost this, that Carmen had made up her mind. But then she heard the brunette add one word that made her heart race all over again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt Carmen’s finger curl under her chin, lifting her head up for their eyes to meet once more, and after another breath, Carmen simply admitted. “But I probably wouldn’t be as in love with those people as I am with you, and I probably shouldn’t be but I’m still so fucking in love with you it drives me crazy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen’s hands found themselves resting on Shane’s cheeks, her thumbs brushing back and forth against her skin as Shane’s eyes glimmered with complete surprise and hope. “What’re you saying?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m saying...I will try, </span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>can try...I’m gonna make you work at it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hard</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she broke into a smile  as Shane snorted an emotional laugh. “But, I do love you. We can try. But if you ever pull any shit like this again, I’m gone, Shane. I mean it. I don’t care.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I fucking swear, I swear,” Shane proclaimed, her breath dropping as her eyes glanced to Carmen’s lips. Only this time, they both leaned in </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Carmen’s fingers tangled themselves in Shane’s locks, curling into them as their lips closed together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her arms then wrapped around Shane’s neck as Shane reached forward and put hers to Carmen’s waist, pulling her body closer to hers in a tight embrace as the kiss deepened further and further. Shane then buried her face in Carmen’s neck. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen closed her eyes as her hand settled on the back of Shane’s head. “I know,” she turned her head slightly, she kissed Shane’s temple before nuzzling her face into her shoulder. They weren’t magically fixed, both of them knew that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But they didn’t want to let each other go, they were going to try and work. And that, for them both, was something they could hold onto for staying together. Because as much as they fuck up, as much as they’ve screwed around and wounded each other in the past, they still wanted each other, to be together. And that was enough. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know the L word fic world is pretty dried up but for those few who do get a read of this, welcome and thanks for reading!! like in my tag I'm not sure if this will stay as a one shot or not because I'm debating writing their relationship through the last three seasons but regardless please drop a kudos if you've enjoyed and leave comments on your thoughts!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As Shane and Carmen work on getting their relationship back on track. Something big is dumped on their doorstep.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The group couldn’t quite believe that Shane and Carmen actually managed to work things out, given how fucked up the whole situation went. But then again even though they’re split up now, Bette and Tina got back together after Bette fucked up. So maybe in the grand scheme of things Shane calling off their wedding wasn’t the worst thing that had happened within this group. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Above all they were just glad that they had worked out because they believed that if anyone was going to give Shane some kind of stability in life and steer her away from all the sleeping around she had been doing since been a teenager, it be Carmen, with Carmen they all really believed they’d be in it for the long haul. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane went to see Carmen’s family the day after the reconciled, Carmen went back the day they did and told them everything, how they’ve talked it all out and they’re going to make a work of it and of course they expressed deep disapproval at first, no longer it being about Carmen’s sexuality and much more about what Shane did. But Carmen just rested on the thought that it was her choice, she could deal with their disapproval about this like she could about the one before, but she was standing by this choice and if things went to shit again, they were welcome to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>I told you so</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And so they accepted for Shane to come into the house, to which she did and gave the most genuine apology possible. Shane didn't really get much back other than they accepted that she was sorry but she was going to have to prove that she was going to stick by Carmen, it was something that Shane needed to show in action rather than words. And Shane accepted that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They technically didn’t break up, and so there was no working their relationship back by trying dating again or all that shit. They simply just...carried on. By one of the best ways that they actually knew how to reconnect. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Carmen moaned loudly, her hand pressing against the headboard behind her as her head pushed back into the pillow, her neck arching as more moans ripped from the back of her throat that Shane pressed hard kisses to, pushing her fingers harder into her as the other hand palmed Carmen’s breast. “Shane!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nipped on Carmen’s jaw before their lips came together in a heavy and instantly deep kiss, their tongues dominating over each other before Carmen’s lips parted once more with a louder moan ripping from her as she pushed her forehead hard against Shane’s, breaking out into a smile when finally she </span>
  <em>
    <span>got there</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Carmen gripped hard onto the back of Shane’s hair when their bodies rested together. “Oh, shit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen hooked her legs around Shane’s waist and mumbled when leaning in for a kiss. “That’s one way to work on forgiveness.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane grumbled a laugh between the kiss. “Glad we can already joke about it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen hummed an </span>
  <em>
    <span>uh-uh</span>
  </em>
  <span> and looked to her when resting her head back against the pillow. “I can, you still can’t.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Shane whispered delicately, leaving a softer kiss on Carmen’s lips, running the palm of her hand over Carmen’s bare chest and asked as she ran it down the side of her bare body. “I’m sorry about last night.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know me too,” Carmen rested her hand on the back of Shane’s head. “Look it’s still...</span>
  <em>
    <span>we </span>
  </em>
  <span>still have just got to work on this. It’s not going to be fixed right away.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Last night blew up into an argument, it wasn’t a blazing fight where one (Shane) ended up on the couch, but it was pretty heated. Carmen was clearly still going back and forth with her emotions of being forgiving and pissed, Shane told her that if she really couldn’t forgive her that they should just call it even though that was the first thing of what they both wanted. It ended with them just going to sleep. And this morning, Shane did her best to start the day fresh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” Shane rested her chin on Carmen’s chest as Carmen continued to run her fingers through her hair as she proclaimed. “Shane I really want to make it work, I just need you to be patient when I get pissed. I’m being patient with you-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know...it’s a process,” the response she got from Carmen was just an agreed hum. Shane tightened her lips for a moment and then swiftly changed the subject. “So you’re coming to Jenny’s book signing tonight, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure you’re ready to be seen in public with me yet?” Shane smirked as she looked back to Carmen from following her hand. Carmen gently pushed Shane’s face to the side. “What did I just say?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” Shane grumbled with amusement as she bowed her head down, kissing Carmen’s collarbone and then looking back to her. “I gotta get back to work. Lunch break is almost up” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen groaned with the roll of her eyes, questioning as she pushed her face in Shane’s neck. “Why didn’t you book the day off on grounds of make up sex.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been doing that for two days.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?” Carmen bit her lip and tightened her arms around Shane’s body, engaging in another hot kiss. Shane really could stay in bed with her all day, but she really couldn’t blow off work. Shane slowly dragged her lips away for a second, saying before diving back in. “You wanna come with me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m gonna go in the studio and work on a few things,” Carmen rubbed her lips together, running her fingers through the side of her hair. “I could drop by later though, meet you and we can head straight to the planet for something to eat before Jenny’s thing starts.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, good with me.” Shane gave Carmen one last kiss before finally she peeled her body away and got out of bed. Shane grabbed her clothes that were on the floor, feeling Carmen’s hand softly trace down her bareback which sent nothing but shivers down Shane’s spine, and certainly wasn’t helping her determination to leave for work. She slipped her jeans on and threw her shirt over her before she turned and leaned back down on the mattress, looking to Carmen and how damn beautiful she looked lying in bed, still not actually believing that she almost fucking this up the way she did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So I’ll see you at five.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen hummed as she pulled the bed sheet over her further as she leaned up and smiled at her fondly. “Five.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane kissed her in another deeply tender moment. “Aw </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she sighed when pulling herself back, really hating that she had to go to work. She got to the door before turning once again. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen looked to her as she sat up in bed and rested against the headboard. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane rested against the door frame for a moment before she stated. “I love you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen’s smirk spread into a grin, giving her a nod. “I love you too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Forgiving Shane came to Carmen easier than she thought. Shane opened her heart to her deeper than anyone, Carmen was the only person she could be truly honest with. And after that day when Carmen decided that they would work on things, Shane lay in bed with her in the night, both deciding to stay in. Shane told Carmen more about what her dad said to her, the more depth that she went into, Carmen found the whole ordeal easier to understand. Despite that she got hurt in the process, she could see how much it hurt Shane to do what she did, and if it weren’t for Shane’s dad coming back into their life then who knows what would have happened, they’d probably be married with Shane not having these doubts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he planted a seed and it fucked with Shane’s head, and that seed might never leave...and so marriage might never come back on the cards but after everything that they talked about, Carmen went back to the head space that she had before the engagement, and that was that they weren’t traditional people anyway and so a wedding was not needed for them to stay together and spend their lives with each other. Still, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck Shane’s dad.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She was more angry at him for the things he said to Shane considering her barely even knew her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All she did was take Shane’s hand and say. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“He doesn’t fucking know you. But I understand.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that was all that she needed to say for Shane to take a full breath, Carmen understood and accepted her reasoning. That was all she needed. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>The two of them walked into </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Planet</span>
  </em>
  <span> hand in hand, none of their friends had seen them in these past few days, none of them apart from Jenny and Max who only saw them because they lived in the house. But they went a little M.I.A to sort themselves out, plus Bette and Tina had their own drama, Alice had her own stuff too...and Kit...it wasn’t often that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>didn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>have drama either individually or collectively. Some shit was always going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only one of the group that was there as soon as they walked in was Kit, which was expected given she actually ran the place, despite being worn out from the day she had herself, she was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>happy to see them. “Well look here!” her arms came out wide as they wrapped around Carmen and groaned with warmth. “Ugh, girl, it’s so good to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen smiled as she gave Kit a squeeze back. “You too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m so happy you guys worked it out,” Kit pulled back, still keeping hold of Carmen’s hands as she looked at the both of them, “you guys got too good of a thing going on to let it go. Remember that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded with Kit then raising her brows and humming. “I’m looking at </span>
  <em>
    <span>you </span>
  </em>
  <span>when I say that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane then rolled her eyes as she let out a soft snort and nodded once again when looking back to Kit. “Yeah, I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You better.” Kit added with a playful shove. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is there anything we can do to help out?” Carmen asks, but Kit just waves her hands in complete dismissal. “No, no. You two just get something to eat and enjoy being back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” Carmen smiled with a tilt of her head, slapping her hand back in Shane’s and pulling her over to a table as Shane always expressed her thanks to Kit. The rest of them didn’t show up until </span>
  <em>
    <span>after </span>
  </em>
  <span>they had dinner. Jenny was in a corner of the place with Max and her new French girlfriend that she met at their </span>
  <em>
    <span>would have been </span>
  </em>
  <span>wedding. So at least someone got a good time out of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice, Bette and Helena came over to them as soon as they showed up, mostly they were all just saying how glad they were to see Carmen, and they really were, she wasn’t just </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shane’s girlfriend</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she was part of this group. She was their friend. Everything looked amazing, set up, all ready for Jenny’s big night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They were stood with Bette and Alice just as Kit got on stage to introduce Jenny to do her reading of her published novel, when to the side of them there was a commotion as a woman came walking in through the bar. Carmen didn’t recognise her, but she heard Shane whisper a </span>
  <em>
    <span>holy shit</span>
  </em>
  <span> and got the feeling she did. “What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane leaned closer to Carmen and mumbled. “That’s Marina.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-” Carmen turned her head back to Shane, “as in the one who Jenny first…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane hummed with the bob of her head. Carmen glanced back over to see Marina remove her hat, then glancing over to the stage and saw the almost horror that was on Jenny’s face, Carmen found herself muttering as she turned her head back. “Looks like new drama has taken over.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shook her head as she sipped her drink. “There was new drama on the fucking night </span>
  <em>
    <span>of</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she slipped her hand down Carmen’s back as she added in a mutter when passing her drink to her. “I better say hi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She followed Bette and Alice’s lead and made her way over to Marina, giving her a quick hug. As people crowded around Marina and her spontaneous return, Carmen’s eyes flickered to Jenny again, suddenly feeling kind of bad for her. Not only did she seem completely shocked in seeing Marina but she also seemed upset at how the attention was turned away from her, considering this was all meant to be her night. And if anything, Carmen was very aware how much it sucked when nights that were supposed to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>nights get ruined. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fortunately for Jenny, it was salvaged as Marina quickly pushed off everyone’s attention from her and threw it back to what everyone should really be in. As Jenny actually started her reading, Shane raised her brows for a brief moment when walking back to Carmen, taking her drink back from her. “Wasn’t expecting that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen simply hummed as they both looked straight ahead to Jenny. “This past few weeks has been filled with surprises.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>After Jenny’s reading, Shane and Carmen stayed for another hour or so with the girls before they decided to head home, hardly any of them hung around long anyway. Bette had to get home to pay the babysitter, Tina and her boyfriend headed back to their place since he too had kids, the only ones that hung back were Alice and Helena. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They walked back from the bar hand in hand down the road. Shane thought it would be hard getting back to how they were, and there was no mistake to be made, she was still trying her best to make up for it, but she didn’t think she and Carmen would fit back together so well already. But Carmen just wanted things to go back to normal just as much as Shane did, the way she saw it, she agreed that they’d move forward from this, if she kept ragging on Shane for what happened then she’d only be making things worse and put a damage on their attempts to move on together. She was still taking Shane’s attempts at treating her </span>
  <em>
    <span>extra </span>
  </em>
  <span>special to make up for everything though, there was also no mistake about that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen looked to Shane as their hands softly rocked back and forth. “What do you want to do when we get in?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced at her and laughed. “Is this a test?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen bit her lip as she pulled Shane close when they arrived in front of the house, wrapping her arms around her neck as she briefly raised a brow. “Maybe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane let out a smirk as her eyes travelled down to Carmen’s lips just before her own put themselves on her. Carmen arched her body into Shane’s as she felt her hands move down from the middle of her back and smoothing over her backside, humming sweetly against Shane’s mouth as she felt Shane’s grip tighten. They weren’t drowning their troubles away with sex, but did help. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen gently bit Shane’s bottom lip before putting her tongue back in her mouth, her fingers curled and tangled themselves in Shane’s locks whilst Shane’s gripped further into Carmen’s  jeans, she parted their lips slightly and muttered. “Get inside.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen bumped her nose against Shane’s and stole one more firm kiss, turning with her back to the house while still in her girlfriend’s before finally they pulled themselves apart and made their way to the door. It was when they both turned to walk up the drive that they noticed that they weren’t alone. Carla, Shane’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>technical </span>
  </em>
  <span>step-mom, was sitting on the hanging chair on the porch. Shane slipped her hand from Carmen’s arm, their playful laughter well and truly cut off. “Carla?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla didn’t make eye contact with either of them at first, simply shook her head with her vision kept forward when she put bluntly. “Should've known sooner or later that the bastard would walk out on me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen glanced at Shane, both rather clueless and </span>
  <em>
    <span>stunned </span>
  </em>
  <span>on what to say, they both remained silent for a moment as they walked up the steps, Carmen tilted her head to her. “Have you been here long?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla just shook her head as the only direct answer to Carmen’s question and continued further from her original sentence. “I also should’ve known that, uh, he wouldn’t call me back,” she turned to them in the chair, now actually giving eye contact. “I guess, I got no pride left, so here I am.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked completely perplexed. “You called me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Five, six, maybe six times.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry we um…” Shane took a brief glance to Carmen and cleared her throat as she turned her head back. “We’ve been out of touch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla looked to them both and hummed stiffly. “Working on things, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen softly nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“At least you two can salvage what you’ve got.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry. For what happened, that Gabe let you down.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My fault. Should’ve known better.” Carla shook her head as she looked down to her hands. It actually was painful, seeing this genuinely kind woman blame herself so much for her husband’s fuck ups. Shane gently persisted. “No it’s not your fault. He made you think you could change him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane felt Carmen reach for her hand and gave it a soft squeeze, reassuring her. This was that battle they were heading on together, to make Shane stop thinking so little of herself, to lump herself with the scummy men like her dad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And in a still plain voice. Carla spoke up. “You know whatever he said to you, he’s wrong,” she looked up at their confused faces. “Come on. He must’ve. You were dead set on getting married before he sweeped in. It’s what he does, he turns things around on other people to bring them down onto his level so he doesn’t feel so bad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen looked to Shane once more, but Shane kept her eyes forward. It meant a lot hearing that came from Carla, from an almost third party in a way. Carla was family through Gabe, but she wasn’t at the same time. They didn’t exactly have a bond, they had only met twice, and so she had no bias in saying that. So for those words to come from her, it actually meant a lot. Carla looked back up to them both. “But I also wish we’d never met you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen sighed. “I understand you’re upset-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For the past week I’ve not been able to speak without crying, I’ve not even been able to walk or eat, and when I have eaten  I’ve puked my guts up. Which then turned to throwing up blood, I’m beyond upset,” Carla threw back in the same, monotone voice. “I, uh, left you a gift, it's on the back porch.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla got up from the chair, heading to the steps of the porch, she really didn’t look well. Clearing what Gabe did had really taken its toll on her more than they can even comprehend. With still worry, Shane took a small step closer to her. “Carla you’re sick let us take you to a doctor.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carla threw her arm out of Shane’s hand, </span>
  <em>
    <span>laughing</span>
  </em>
  <span> as she took the steps down the porch. “That will fix everything huh? Go to hell.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen put her arm across Shane’s front, holding onto her waist as they watched the woman walk away. “Let her go,” she turned her head back to Shane and spoke in a soft mutter. “She wouldn’t stay anyway.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane sighed as she turned her head to Carmen, locking into her eyes and catching her arm reassuringly with a smile as her fingers ran through the back of Shane’s hair when adding in a whisper. “Can’t save them all, baby.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Another breath escaped Shane’s lips as she just nodded, skimming her lips along Carmen’s forehead before she went to the front door and opened up. They walked through to the kitchen where the back door was, remembering that Carla had said that she had a gift waiting on the back porch. Neither of them had a clue. As Carmen went to the fridge and grabbed them two beers, she heard Shane after opening the door. “Oh my God.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shane, what is it?” Carmen quickly put the bottles down and made her way over, then seeing for herself what Carla had left for them. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shay</span>
  </em>
  <span>, her son. And by all accounts, Shane’s little brother. “What the fuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Quickly, Shane bolted back to the front door and ran back out the house, calling after Carla. Whilst Carmen just stood there staring at the kid in shock, even when Shay had woken up from the noise and looked to her, she still just </span>
  <em>
    <span>gaped </span>
  </em>
  <span>at him. In his sleepy state, Shay tilted his head at her, not recognising her at all which, why would he? They had never met, he’d only ever met Shane once. “Hi.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi.” Carmen managed to push out stiffly in her still bewildered nature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who are you?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Carmen.” She soon told herself that she needed to snap out of her newly awkward and surprised nature and actually bring some kind of reassurance to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>child</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she shook her head to do so and cleared her throat with her voice coming out more bold. “I’m your sisters-</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shane’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> um, girlfriend.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shay sat up further on his little bed that Carla had </span>
  <em>
    <span>created </span>
  </em>
  <span>before leaving. “I thought you were getting married. Last time I saw dad he said he was going to your wedding.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen pressed her lips together and coaxed over it with a shrug. “There was a change of plans...how long have you been here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. I fell asleep a while ago.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” Carmen nodded awkwardly. “Shane has gone to try and find your mom I,” she scratched the back of her neck. “Don’t think she’s feeling too good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She’s been acting weird. Ever since she came back without dad.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I bet,” Carmen cleared her throat again and stepped to the side as she motioned to the indoors. “Come on, get inside. Are you thirsty or hungry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know how to do this, it’s not like she was bad with kids. Her family was big and there were plenty of little ones running around, but usually little kids are handled by their parents with all their wants and needs. She’s not used to actually being responsible on this front. Shay got up from the floor and made his way in the house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen shut the door behind her and held her hands together. Trying again in being somewhat </span>
  <em>
    <span>hospitable</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “So drink? Food?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I ate before we came here.” Shay says politely. “But I am kind of thirsty.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Carmen walks over to the fridge and when opening it, she releases how low on stock they were with actual substantial drinks, they really needed to fix that. “How bout a coke?” she turned her head and watched him shrug his shoulders with a nod, to which Carmen nodded back and grabbed it. “Good enough.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shay gratefully takes the can and makes his way to the couch after Carmen tells him to try and make himself comfortable, she stays back in the kitchen and just watches for a moment, seeing him sit awkwardly and upright, looking down to the can of coke. Well, this is perfect. Just as she and Shane are working on getting back on track, they get this kid dumped on them. A kid that neither of them know at all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What does one say to a nine year old that you have never met before? Seriously, Carmen would really love to know. Shane was gone for what felt like forever but eventually she made it back to the house. Carmen stood up from sitting on the opposite couch from Shay after sitting in silence. “Hey. Find her?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane just shook her head before bowing it and whispering sharply beneath her breath as she looked away. “Fuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen steps closer and mutters into her ear. “What are we going to do?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have no fucking idea,” Shane grumbles back before she looks over to Shay and tightens an awkward smile. “You okay, Shay?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shay just shrugged and nodded once more. Carmen stuck her hands in her back jeans pockets and whispered. “That’s pretty much all he does.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane nodded for Carmen to follow her over to the kitchen, the two of them leaving Shay to remain on the couch. They walked to the kitchen and sat down beside each other. “I have no fucking idea what we’re gonna do.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There’s no way of contacting her?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane sighed and shrugged her shoulders with the shake of her head. “I had to get a new phone, remember? I left it in that gas station when I...drove to see you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen withdrew a breath and pushed her forehead against her fingertips, gently shaking her head before she dropped her hand back down. “We can’t do anything right now. We’ll just...put him on the couch and figure it out in the morning.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You think we should stick him on the couch?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’d you suggest, Shane?” Carmen raised her brows. “He shares the bed with us? His mom just left him on a porch with practical strangers, I think a couch will be fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“This is fucking insane.” Shane grumbled as she sat back in her chair and scratched her head before she heavily dropped her arm back down, taking her eyes to Carmen, who just lightly shrugged. “We’ve been through worse.”</span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Shane came up with the idea that if they try to track down Gabe, they could hopefully convince him to come back for Shay. He didn’t have to come back for his marriage or to even be in Shane’s life, just for him to come and get his son. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shay was a good kid, there was no doubt about it, he just couldn’t be their responsibility. They weren’t naive to think this would all be solved within a day, but the fact it had been three since they started looking and still had no look was beginning to seem a little bleak. Shane did the talking on the phone, signalling to Carmen pretty much everytime she did to tell her to cross off the number and they tried another, it went on in a vicious cycle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m looking for a guy named Gabe McCutcheon...I’m his daughter and I was hoping he might…no I tried there and they said they haven’t seen him since the uh...right,” Shane looked to Carmen, who was sitting by her side with her head resting in her hand as she kept her eyes on her, Shane released a silent sigh and shook her head before focusing back on the phone call whilst Carmen took the pen and crossed it out. “Right I understand but do you think you might know anybody else that could...okay, no, thank you. Bye.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane hung up the phone and put it firmly back down to the table. “Fuck.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen’s hand ran to Shane’s back, giving an encouraging and comforting rub. “I’m sorry, baby, I know this is frustrating,” she pulled her hand back and rested her finger beneath the line of the next number. “Come on, let’s try the next one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As they remained huddled together at the table and Shane grabbed the phone once more, Max came over and sat down. “Still no luck huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen just looked over to him and shook her head. Max sighed. “You know, I could do a computer search if you want. There’s this great new programme for tracking down missing people.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That could be something.” Carmen said with an optimistic tone, looking to Shane again, who just looked pretty drained by it all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’d access his police records. I mean I could look for Carla too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Shane huffed with doubt. “I doubt that’d get anywhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jenny then came into the kitchen and called from it. “I hope it works,” in a way to express that she wasn’t exactly thrilled about this new living arrangement. Carmen rolled her eyes, “Jenny, look this situation isn't ideal for any of us. But he’s a good kid and he's no real trouble.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know. But the thing is you two,” Jenny came over and stood in front of them more with a cup of coffee held closely to her. “Your friends just miss seeing you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They both glanced to each other, then looked at Jenny, bewildered. Shane held her hand out that was still gripped to the phone. “Jenny, we haven’t gone anywhere.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s half the problem, you guys have just been stuck in here. We didn’t see you for days when you were </span>
  <em>
    <span>making up</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Now with this. It’s kinda like you’re hiding, distracting from jumping back into the real world as a couple again by trying to get the kid off your hands.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Their vision went to Shay who had entered from the back door at just the wrong time to actually hear what Jenny said, with his face looking so defeated it was almost heartbreaking, he soon backed back out. Shane groaned as she facepalmed whilst Carmen just gave Jenny a glare when putting sharply. “Nice.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And honestly, Jenny. We’re doing just fine, we’re not distracting ourselves from anything.” Carmen tried to keep her voice level headed, not wanting this to turn into something confrontational. Jenny was a friend but she did get to her at times with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>higher than thou</span>
  </em>
  <span> act she puts on a lot of the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As an awkward air built between them all, Jenny just cleared her throat and put the now empty cup down before she excused herself. Carmen then looked to Max. “Any help you could pull would be great.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Max smiled to her tightly through his kind nature. “Of course.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the meantime,” Carmen put her focus back to Shane, putting her head back up as she pushed beneath her chin. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey</span>
  </em>
  <span>, in the meantime. Keep calling.” She put her hand on Shane’s cheek and brought her close to kiss her keep. “Come on.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane briefly pushed her head against Carmen’s before she snapped herself out of the whole self pitied doubt and continued to dial in the phone number that she was punching in before Jenny interrupted. But, like the others, they didn’t get anywhere with it. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>Alice turned her head to the entrance of The Planet, seeing Shane walk into the place with Shay. “Well holy fuck, as I live and breathe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kit came over and got herself acquainted with young Shay, taking him off Shane’s hands for a little while as she sat him at the bar and plated up something for him to eat. Shane made her way to the table where as well as Alice, Helena and Tina were also sitting. Shane hadn’t really talked to Helena that much since everything happened, and she was kind of nervous in speaking to her since Helena did so much for the wedding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, guys.” Shane addressed as she sat herself down beside Alice, getting greetings from them all back. Shane then put her eyes immediately back to Helena and sat up in her chair. “Look, Helena I um, I haven’t had the chance to say but...I’m really sorry for what happened with the wedding. I realise the person who suffered more than Carmen with what I put her through was you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After the wedding went bust and Gabe took off with the money that Helena gave him to get Shane and Carmen a wedding gift, she was officially cut off by her mother. She was left in debt and now living in Alice’s one bedroom. So, she was fairly pissed and was probably suffering even more than Shane right now. Helena released a small breath through her nose and shrugged. “At least the two of you have sorted things out.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but I’m still really sorry for what I did and the way it fell back on you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just wish you’d have come to your </span>
  <em>
    <span>conclusion</span>
  </em>
  <span> sooner.” Helena said in the same leveled tone but her disappointment still hung in the balance. Shane nodded, finding it completely fair. “Me too, trust me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>But</span>
  </em>
  <span>...I forgive you. If Carmen can then so can I, we can all move forward.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Helena didn’t see the point in vowing to </span>
  <em>
    <span>never speak </span>
  </em>
  <span>to Shane, because what good would that do? It certainly wasn’t going to get her money or her apartment back. Shane smiled to her tightly and nodded. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tina swiftly changed the subject and nodded over to Shay. “So, what’s the situation here? We haven’t seen you since he was left with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane glanced over to him and groaned under her breath when turning her head back as she scratched the back of her neck. “Yeah, Carmen and I have just been working our asses on finding someone that can help us track down Gabe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice raised her brows. “And nothing?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fucking silence,” Shane shook her head before she withdrew a sigh. “I mean, he’s not hard to deal with or anything but he’s not our responsibility.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice shook her head. “Oh it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>what every couple who is just getting back on track into working on their relationship always needs.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah how </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> Carmen with all of this?” Helena questions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugs. “I think she’s kind of got her head screwed on with it more than me. We’re fine.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice held her hands up when sitting back in her chair. “I just think it’s kind of ironic that you guys went through all that shit from a sudden fear of marriage to now having a kid.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>a kid-you’re not funny. None of this is funny.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not funny. Ironic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane rolled her eyes and sunk further into her chair, covering her face with her palm for a moment before she rubs her forehead as she releases a grumble groan. Alice then asking. “Carmen at work?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah she got called in to help out on a new set. She’s coming here later.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She then heard </span>
  <em>
    <span>Tina</span>
  </em>
  <span> ask. “But if you can’t track down Gabe then what are you going to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane shrugged, looking back to Tina as she sat up in her chair. “I don’t know,” and she didn’t, she didn’t have answers for any of these questions because they’re questions that both she and Carmen have been asking each other everyday since this happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Helena glanced to the boy herself and asked in a rather unsettled tone, not even liking the thought of the idea. “Foster care?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Shane answered quickly, shaking her head. That was the one thing she did have an answer for, something that her and Carmen discussed in length and absolutely agreed on. At first, Carmen thought it might be for the best since they’re not exactly </span>
  <em>
    <span>fit</span>
  </em>
  <span> for taking care of a kid, but once Shane explained how wrong it would be, they came on the same level that foster care was not on the cards. “I’ve been through that shit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tina gently shrugged. “Okay, then what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea.” Shane sat back in her chair and glanced over to Shay once more. </span>
</p><hr/><p>
  <span>It was dark by the time Carmen got to the bar, spotting Shay first who was still sitting at the bar with a milkshake in front of him. “Hey.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi,” He answered in the same quiet voice, then just turning and pointing over in a direction. “Shane’s over there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>Carmen glanced over to see the back of Shane, sitting with the whole group minus</span> <span>Tina. She nodded with an </span><em><span>uh-huh</span></em><span> and turned back to him. “Thanks...you good?” </span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shay shrugged to her. “Yeah.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The only difficulty about Shay was </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>, the fact that he was very much a boy of few words and it was hard to really know what it was that he was thinking or feeling. Still, Carmen just took him at his word and nodded before she walked over. “Hi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all gave her a warm greeting with the added kiss from Shane as she dipped her head back to her before she put her arm around her, Carmen sliding herself between Shane’s legs. “Did I miss anything?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just talking about-” Shane subtly nodded her head back over to Shay. “These guys have mentioned about school and stuff.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bette leaned forward ever so slightly as she spoke up in her usual soft spoken tone. “We were saying that he needs to be enrolled. It’s illegal to keep a child out of school.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Carmen put her head back against Shane’s. “Is it bad that we didn’t even think of that?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No,” Helena lightly scoffed. “Of course not, you’re not parents. This is totally not in your league, don’t be hard on yourself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen just leaned her head against Shane’s once more, feeling Shane pushed into it and pressed a kiss on her jaw before she lifted her head back up, looking down to her hands that were resting over Shane’s as she had her arms tucked around Carmen’s waist. Carmen hadn’t been able to think of anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>but </span>
  </em>
  <span>their situation all day. How it could affect them, it worried her since they weren’t exactly on full level ground when all this happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kit mentioned private foster care.” Shane muttered to Carmen when rested her chin on her shoulder. Carmen glanced over to Kit. “Yeah?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just a thought,” Kit shrugged a shoulder. “I was saying I know Shane has had her own experience in the system, but with private it could be different.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But is there a big stigma with privatisation?” Carmen gently questioned, looking to Shane as she turned her head slightly. “Is it something you’re considering?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane looked up to her and shrugged. Carmen withdrew a small breath with her hand reaching up and briefly resting to Shane’s cheek. Shane was in a much worse position than Carmen, because despite not knowing the kid fully, he was still Shane’s family. And with her being a foster kid herself, she does have a problem at the thought of doing it. It’s easier said than done for those who haven’t had to live through it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Heyy, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Shay.” Kit quickly said to address for everyone else that the boy was approaching. “How’d you like your cake?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen stood herself up from leaning against Shane as they both turned to him. Bette filling up the silence more by asking. “Did you finish your milkshake?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Shay just looked to Shane and put plainly with his hand over his stomach. “I think I’m gonna throw up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That for sure wasn’t the reaction that any of them were expected. Shane sat up further in her stool. “Oh, um, there’s a bathroom right over there.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After pointing him in the right direction he made his way over. Helena shook her head to her. ”Shane.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Helena raised her brows and nodded in the direction that the boy was walking. “You should go with him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was where Helena and Bette were useful more than ever, because by Bette nodding along with Helena’s words clearly their motherly instincts were effective with </span>
  <em>
    <span>all </span>
  </em>
  <span>children and not just their own. Shane, however, had no such instincts. “The hell am I supposed to do?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hold his hair.” Bette teased bluntly, going right over Shane’s head. “He doesn’t have any hair.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen rolled her eyes and pushed her hand against Shane’s back. “Baby, just go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane turned to her in her chair as she slowly got on her feet. “How come you don’t go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A scoffed laugh slipped from Carmen’s lips when raising her brows to her, nodding as she made her well put out point. “Because you’re his sister and I’m not just-” she gave one more gentle nudge. “Go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Shane cursed under her breath and made her way to the bathroom, it fell quiet for a moment as Carmen just watched Shane for a few seconds more and then turned back to the rest of them once she was out of sight. Carmen took a breath and deadpanned. “It’s a fucking disaster isn’t it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m glad you said it.” Alice muttered when taking the straw of her drink to her mouth. Carmen looked to Bette, who shook her head to her. “You guys just really aren’t ready for this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even know what </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>is. We’re sure as hell not gonna be parents.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bette shrugged. “I know, Carmen. But </span>
  <em>
    <span>guardians </span>
  </em>
  <span>is probably closer to what you guys are going to end up being to him if you don’t find Gabe or find another solution.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen just huffed with self pity as she leaned down and briefly allowed her head to fall into her hands. Jenny reached forward and put her hand on Carmen’s back for a small rub. “I’m glad she has you with all of this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen looked to Jenny with her hands now pressed against her mouth, her head then turning in the other direction beside her when Alice said with a somewhat dry dread in her voice. “Yeah, God fucking knows how this would play out if you weren’t here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because you almost weren’t.” Kit acknowledged. Carmen’s eyes then flickered to Bette who was tugging a light smile to her when she added with a soft raise of her brows. “Have I mentioned yet how happy I am that you guys managed to get past this?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A soft smile rested onto Carmen’s lips. “Me too. Although if she had called it off by ditching me at the altar it’d have been a different story.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Helena let out a long shrug when she added with initial hesitation. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’ve sorted it. But I’m bloody surprised.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen nodded as she sucked in a breath and stood back up straight. “It’s not like I let her off easy, after getting space for a week and agreeing to work on things, I’ve...had my moments but...we did the whole torturing each other thing after we both cheated, I just want us to move forward.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bette nodded in favour, rested her chin on her closed fist. “That’s fair, Carmen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice shrugged. “Yeah I mean with all the shit you guys have already gone through, you’ll get over this. </span>
  <em>
    <span>And </span>
  </em>
  <span>you'll get through what’s going on with the kid.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks.” Carmen looked over her shoulder and saw Shane walk back out of the bathroom with her hand on Shay’s shoulder, she watched as Shane gave it a bet and muttered something in the young boy’s ear. Shane made her way back over as Shay returned to stand by the bar. “Hey, so I’m gonna take him back.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen’s hands fell onto Shane’s waist in a light grip to her shirt. “I’ll come back with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You sure? You just got here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah it’s fine.” Carmen assured. Shane muttered an </span>
  <em>
    <span>alright</span>
  </em>
  <span> before slipping her hand into hers and looked to the rest of the group as she flashed them all a tight smile. “We’ll see you all later.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Carmen then added a small </span>
  <em>
    <span>wiggled fingered </span>
  </em>
  <span>wave as they began to walk away. “Bye guys.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of them all responded and watched them leave the bar hand in hand with Shay walking beside them. After they were gone, they all just looked at each other. Kit shook her head with her vision to the bar. “Thank </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span> for that forgiving girl.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Jenny scooted to the stool that was now available and closer to them all. “Doesn’t anyone think this could just break them up all over again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then, surprisingly, Bette shook her head. “Actually no,” she shrugged when all eyes got put on her. “Look I know Tina and I aren’t together anymore but that’s besides the point. As soon as she got pregnant we pushed through all the past shit and tried our best, then we got back together and moved forward. The break up now has nothing to do with what broke us up before. You heard Carmen, she just wants them to move on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alice raised her brows. “So you’re saying this is a good thing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but it will for sure move them forward by having something else to focus on. Carmen loves Shane too much to run from this, else she’d have just called it quits when Shane did what she did.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They had to admit, Bette was making quite a bit of sense. They were already edging towards being on track without this situation, but now if anything, this could bring them closer because they were working together in figuring this out. Only time would really tell. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yeah SO I'm gonna try and do sharmen's storyline through the remaining seasons because I have nothing better to do, I don't even care if the fic world here is dried up I'm writing it anyway so may as well put it out. But if you are reading here then please leave your thoughts! Hope you enjoyed.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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